APTnovel Chapter 144 Tearsless Lament
Chapter 144 Tearsless Lament
Chapter 144 Tearsless Lament
Cathy spends half of her waking hours staring blankly out the window at the manor, and the other half gazing at the door of her room.
He had already told Harriet about his background, and when the grape growers heard Harriet's report, they would surely be tempted by money and kidnap him to the plateau to exchange him for cash.
But Harriet only opened that door once during mealtimes; otherwise, it remained unmoved, like a solid wall.
The anticipated misfortune failed to arrive, which instead of giving Cathy a sense of relief or peace of mind, left him feeling powerless and uneasy about not being able to control his fate.
But it doesn't matter if we just let it drag on like this.
Henry will surely command the two gold coins to reach a nearby port and bring Cyril back to Cassius.
By then, Henry had definitely already rescued Natalie—
Henry, my father, Casey, clutched the wooden pendant hanging around her neck, which Henry had magically imbued with the power of "Meteor."
My mother, that sister—
Don't think about it! Cathy closed her eyes tightly and shook her head vigorously, trying not to think about it!
So hungry...
Just as I began to feel hungry, the door was pushed open from the outside.
Harriet carried the food into the room and placed it on the table.
Kathy sat down and began to eat, but his mind wasn't on the food.
The people here only offered him these monotonous, tasteless meals, and Cathy was too lazy to chew them much, so she just swallowed them down.
Kathy's attention was entirely on Harriet; he stared at her intently.
Harriet is currently the only person Cassie can contact, and if he wants to talk to someone, he can only place his hopes on Harriet.
Cathy wasn't afraid of hardship, fatigue, pain, hunger, or cold, but he was afraid of loneliness. Yet everything was slipping away from him, and he felt incredibly lonely. In this huge study, filled with all sorts of things, not a single one could alleviate his loneliness.
So Cassie wanted to talk to Harriet, even if it might be a bit too much of a reliance on this tall older sister, but so be it. Harriet was kind, and Cassie felt she was someone she could rely on.
Harriet was focused on tidying up Cathy's room; it wasn't her job, and she had no obligation to care for the incarcerated.
But ever since Harriet heard Cathy's story, she has started taking care of these things for Cathy without any warning.
Cathy was very grateful to her, after all, Cathy couldn't even make her own bed.
He understood that Harriet was pitying him, but this undoubtedly proved Harriet's kindness; only kind people have compassion.
Caesar noticed that Harriet's cheek was slightly flushed, so she asked:
What happened to your face?
Harriet quickly turned her face away and continued working without saying a word.
"Did someone hit you?"
"None of your business," Harriet replied in a cold, hard tone.
Why did I hit you?
"Shut up!" Harriet snapped.
Kathy didn't dare ask any more questions; he didn't want to be disliked.
By the time he finished eating, Harriet had tidied up the room.
He then went to Kathy and cleaned the table.
Cathy stared at Harriet's face, and from the reddened outline, it was clear that Harriet had definitely been slapped.
And Kathy suddenly realized that something seemed to be missing—that's right:
"Harriet, where's the bread today?"
"There's no bread today."
"What about tomorrow?"
"There won't be another one like this."
Harriet avoided looking at Cathy as she spoke.
When Cathy saw the handprint on Harriet's face, she immediately understood why.
Cathy lowered her head: "I'm sorry—"
"I don't need your apology," Harriet said, quickly putting the plate back on the tray. "It's my own fault."
"I'm sorry," Casey repeated.
"I said, I won't—"
"It's different," Cathy interrupted Harriet.
Harriet's hands, which were working, suddenly stopped: "What?"
“The two apologies are different,” Cathy explained. “The first one is to apologize for making you get beaten up, but more than an apology, Harriet, I want to thank you. The second one is to apologize for what happened before. I’m sorry, Harriet, I made you take the punishment for me.”
"Dietrich has already died as punishment, and his punishment for me has been buried with him in the grave."
As Harriet finished speaking, that fierce, wolf-like smile reappeared on her face.
"Ha! Yes! Fortunately, no one even bothered to collect his debts or bury him. But in any case, my esteemed Master Casey, you have no need to apologize to me anymore."
"So you forgive me?"
"Ha, why would you need my forgiveness?" Harriet resumed her movements. "And I will never forgive you."
Why?
"Can you put the broken bottle back together?"
Kathy couldn't, so she shook her head.
"The wounds in my heart are like a broken bottle; you can't fix them," Harriet said. "Even if you try your best to piece them back together, you can't get rid of the cracks."
"I have a way!" Cathy said, standing up.
Harriet frowned, looking at Cathy with confusion.
“There is a way,” Casey said. “This world has many extraordinary powers, magic, witchcraft, alchemy. With these powers, repairing a bottle is a piece of cake.”
Why use unrealistic arguments to refute my point of view?
"It's not unrealistic; I've seen it for myself!"
Harriet sighed. "But so what? The human heart is more complicated than a bottle."
"But it's also stronger than a bottle," Kathy said. "The human heart doesn't break easily, and it's stronger than the supernatural; it heals itself slowly."
"What an arrogant young master."
Harriet picked up the tray and started walking towards the door.
"Are you trying to let the wounds in my heart heal slowly, so I can forgive your actions?"
Cathy shook her head frantically: "That's not what I meant. I just wanted to say that hearts can be healed. I want your forgiveness, that's why I asked you what I should do."
“Don’t compare yourself to others, or my heart won’t heal itself,” Harriet said. “And you’re right, you don’t know how to think for others at all.”
"Huh?" Cathy shuddered. "Why are you saying that about me?"
"Isn't that right? The story you told me that day was very complicated, and I know you must have suffered a lot, so I sympathize with you. But at the time, your tone was too nonchalant, as if nothing had happened, as if everyone who sacrificed for you deserved to die."
Cathy couldn't help but retort, "That's not how it is!"
"How could it not be?" Harriet turned to Casey. "Pegasus sent you away to fight the enemy, Reggie protected you until the very end, and Robert was killed by a liar for you, yet I couldn't detect a single trace of affection from you towards them."
I've never heard you mention that you've ever shed a single tear for them.
"Shut up!" Casey yelled. "That's not how it is."
"And your parents, they were right in front of you, but you didn't even realize it," Harriet said. "If you had just considered the people around you and tried to see things from their perspective, you would have already recognized them."
"Shut up!" Cathy roared, covering her ears. "Shut up! Shut up!"
"Ha! Your noble young master Casey, of course your heart can heal itself," Harriet continued, "You don't care about them at all, not Robert, not Reggie, not Pegasus, and certainly not your parents—"
"Shut up!"
Kathy screamed hysterically and then lunged at Harriet.
Despite Harriet's height, he still managed to knock her down.
With a clatter, dishes shattered on the floor, and Cassie pinned Harriet to the ground as well.
"You don't understand me at all! What gives you the right to say that to me!"
Harriet suddenly grabbed Cathy's shoulder and slammed her to the side, thus pinning Cathy to the ground.
"Am I wrong? You've only ever thought of yourself!"
Kathy pulled her knees back, pressing them against Harriet's lower abdomen.
Harriet released Cathy's hand, and Cathy took the opportunity to push him up, flipping him onto the top again.
He straddled Harriet's belly and shouted at the top of his lungs, "I do have myself in my heart, but I also have many others! I remember everyone who has been kind to me, Pegasus!"
Robert, Cooper, Master Jord, Sir Mikhail, Earl Reggie, and so many others—I have never forgotten them.
I know how good they've been to me, and I know what they expect from me. I'm constantly thinking about how to repay them.
From a young age, I have tried my best to meet their expectations of me.
"You know what, Harriet, I don't want to be a duke at all, I just want them to be with me. But to repay them, I train and study so hard, but I'm not smart and I don't have any talent, and this process is painful for me both physically and mentally."
"But I gritted my teeth and persevered until the very last moment when I was forced into exile. Their deaths or departures also broke my heart."
"Yet you say I only have myself in my heart. Let me tell you, Harriet, believe it or not, most of my heart is filled with them, leaving only a very small space for myself."
"On the contrary, what right do you have to say that to me? I just wanted to apologize, and I didn't mean it that time. You're the one who doesn't know how to think of others. You have no idea how painful it is to lose someone important!"
After hearing this, Harriet glared angrily at Cathy, then twisted her waist, causing Cathy, who was sitting on her, to fall to the ground.
She straddled Cathy's back, pressing Cathy's head to the floor with one hand and supporting herself with the other in front of Cathy's nose:
"You say I don't understand the pain of losing someone important? Then have you ever known what I've been through?"
"Unlike you, no one cares about my life or death except my parents. I lost my mother when I was young and could only rely on my father for survival."
"You once asked me why my father was a grape grower. Now I'll tell you, it's because he broke his leg while working for Dietrich and became disabled, unable to get out of bed to work anymore."
"But he was weak by nature and never asked Dietrich for compensation, so I had to work as a maid in Dietrich's house. But even so, he was still my father."
"But after Dietrich died, the rebels brought the news to my father, but he was killed by the rebels after only offering a word of condolence for Dietrich, and I almost got implicated as well."
"I cried until my eyes were red and swollen, and the tears still wouldn't stop flowing. You don't understand the pain of losing someone important? I ask you, if this isn't pain, then what is?"
Kathy felt a few drops of scalding liquid hit the skin on the back of her neck.
He recalled Harriet's red eyes and stuffy nose not long ago, which turned out to be due to her father's death.
For some reason, Cathy also felt a pang of sadness and realized that she had said the wrong thing:
"sorry."
"Forget it, don't try to apologize to me like that. You won't understand me anyway."
"I wasn't pretending to be tough, and I understand you."
"You can't even recognize your own parents, you have no feelings for them, how dare you say you understand me?"
Kathy felt as if a knife had been plunged into her chest and was spinning and twisting inside.
He felt his reason rapidly fading away, like a bull whose tail had been set on fire, charging forward recklessly, butting everything in its path with its hard horns.
Harriet's hand was right in front of him, so Cassie desperately pulled that hand over, brought it to her mouth, and then bit down hard.
"Ah! You're crazy!"
Cassie heard Harriet's screams, but she didn't give up.
"Loosen up, ah, loosen up!"
Kathy remained unmoved; all the sounds, upon reaching his ears, transformed into other sentences.
Henry... your father, your mother—that sister—
Only when she tasted blood in her mouth did Kathy release her grip.
He suddenly realized that his actions were undoubtedly hurting Harriet.
But Casey has no intention of apologizing; this is the only thing Casey will never apologize for.
He turned around and saw Harriet rubbing her wrist, which had been bitten by Cathy, with her other hand.
Kathy braced himself up with all his might, and Harriet, who was sitting on him, also fell backward.
Then Cathy turned around and lunged at Harriet again, raising her fist and slapping Harriet in the cheek.
Just then, he saw the red mark on Harriet's cheek.
Harriet was a woman, and her face was considered very beautiful by ordinary standards, even though she was taller than many men.
But the importance of a woman's face is undeniable.
So Cathy stopped in time and saw Harriet's eyes.
Harriet's eyes were filled with hatred.
Let her hate it, Cathy doesn't want to care about these things right now, but she can't embarrass Harriet either.
Then hit her in the chest, but touching a woman's breasts seems rather impolite.
In the end, Cassie could only hit Harriet's shoulders.
Cathy swung her fist with all her might, and didn't stop even as Harriet groaned in pain:
"But at least you've met your parents, who have been by your side since you were little. What about me?"
"A few months ago, I had never seen them before, and they were all far away from me. But when did I not want to see them?"
"I am always very happy when Bekas talks about my mother, even if he says the same thing hundreds of times, I never get tired of hearing it."
"As for my father, I had never heard a single story until my death. Pegasus gave me a clue, but it was nothing more than 'the ocean'."
"Even so, even though I know very little about them, even though I have never met them, I have never stopped thinking about them. I have imagined what they look like, and I have imagined reuniting with them."
"Harriet, I absolutely have feelings for them. I love them, and I don't care what they've done or who they are. I love them all!"
"Harriet, tell me, what did I do to offend you so much? Why are you accusing me like this?"
"what!"
Harriet suddenly yelled, then hugged Cathy, rolled over, and took the top position again.
He took a small knife from somewhere, the cold and sharp metal blade pressed against the knot in Casey's throat.
Kathy then realized that Harriet was crying loudly.
"Why does everyone bully me? Why, Casey, tell me, why?"
"From the moment I became a maid here, Dietrich would harass me from time to time, but I could only endure it. I couldn't lose my job, otherwise my father would have no choice but to wait to die."
I know that sooner or later, Dietrich will rape me, but I have no choice but to swallow my anger.
"Fortunately, God had mercy and Dietrich died, but the grape growers also began to look at me with those lewd eyes, and even laid hands on me after my father died."
"My innocence will surely be ruined by these people, but my father is dead and I have no weakness now, so I have prepared this knife. If they really intend to harm me, I will defend my honor to the death."
"But, Casey, why are you bullying me too?"
"I've taken care of you for so long. I secretly brought you bread every day. I haven't told anyone about the things you told me about the past. It's been a long time since anyone hit you. That's because I've been pleading for you every day."
"But you treated me like this, biting me, hitting me, blaming me. You ask me why I hate you? Cathy, I'll answer you now, I never hated you. I said I wouldn't forgive you because I never truly resented you."
"But I also want to ask you, what did I do wrong? Why won't anyone treat me well?"
Those tears falling on Cathy's face seemed to fall into his heart:
"sorry."
"What's the use of apologizing now!" Harriet roared. "The pain you caused me is etched deeply into my memory!"
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"
Kathy shouted loudly,
"I didn't mean to bully you, Harriet. I'm sorry, I just—you've been too good to me, and I've been a little too presumptuous—"
"Do you know that everything I cherish is slipping away from me?"
"Beccas and Robert are dead, Count Reggie and Master Jode are still dead or alive, my mother passed me by, Henry sailed north, and even the rats, Little Red who had protected me many times, all died in front of me."
"It's as if everything I have deserves to be taken away. I'm so heartbroken that I'm like this. Sadness is stuck in my chest."
My chest is so full, it's really making me feel terrible.
"I want to cry, to cry for Pegasus, to cry for Count Reggie, to cry for those mice who are like friends."
Now you are protecting them too. In my heart, you have become just as important as they are. I also want to cry for your tragic experience.
"If I can have a good cry, I definitely won't lose control and do anything to hurt you."
"Then cry!" Harriet shouted as she cried.
"Ahhhhh—"
Shouts echoed in the room.
"What are you yelling about?" Harriet asked, as if scolding her.
"I am crying," Cathy said, "but I can't cry—"
"You know what, Harriet, I've never told anyone that my eyes were affected by a monster, and ever since then, I've lost the ability to cry."
"But I used to be a crybaby, so the people around me praised me for becoming strong."
"I haven't become stronger. I want to cry, but I just can't."
"I want to shed tears for Pegasus and the others, for Reggie and Jord, for longing, for grievances, for separation. And now, Harriet, I want to shed tears for you too."
"But I just can't cry. I'm so useless. I can't even cry."
"But these aren't the things I want to cry about most. Harriet, I regret it so much."
"My parents, whom I have been thinking about day and night, were right in front of me, but I failed to recognize them in time."
"I even call my mother 'sister' and my father 'uncle.' Good heavens, I must be the biggest idiot in the world."
"I feel so guilty. My son was right in front of me, but I couldn't recognize them. They must be so heartbroken."
"It must be because I'm too stupid and useless that they never acknowledge me. But even so, I still want to call them father and mother."
"My heart is aching so much, Harriet. Just kill me. Use the knife in your hand. If killing me will make you feel better, then do it. I won't hate you."
"On the contrary, I would thank you, so that my heart won't feel so bad right now."
However, Harriet shook her head repeatedly, and the pearls dripping from her eyes grew larger and hotter.
She suddenly dropped the knife, which rolled and slid, making a series of sounds, but Cathy only heard her scream:
"Don't give up so easily, you idiot! You've made it this far with such difficulty, you should fight to live on! That's what I did, and you can do it too!"
"Of course I want to live. I also want to see Henry and that sister, and my father and mother."
"But I feel so bad. Why does everyone have to leave me? Why do I have to endure so much suffering and loneliness? Harriet, I really feel so bad."
"Then cry!"
Harriet encouraged Cathy through her tears.
You said that as long as you cry, you'll feel better!
“I want to cry too,” Cathy said, “but I can’t cry—my cries just turn into horrible screams.”
Just then, Casey suddenly felt something fall into his eyes.
He instinctively closed his eyes and felt something fall, blooming outside his eyelids.
Kathy knew what it was, and she blinked rapidly:
"Harriet, your tears have fallen into my eyes."
However, Harriet didn't move her head away; instead, she moved closer.
Harriet reached out and cupped Cathy's face, as if trying to hold Cathy's face still.
"Then cry, Casey!" Harriet repeated.
Her warm tears landed precisely on Cathy's pupils, bringing a long-lost moistness back to Cathy's parched eyes.
"From now on,"
Harriet took the oath.
"Keep crying and screaming, I'll shed tears for you!"